


Part 1: the rising

by A_Nobelmonster



Series: Controlled Chaos [1]
Category: Teen Wolf (TV)
Genre: Depression, Fluff, Healing, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Other, PTSD, Past Child Abuse, Past Non-Con, Slow Burn, internalized drama, non-sexual bdsm, not so first times, past dread doctors
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-05-10
Updated: 2019-05-10
Packaged: 2020-02-29 09:31:28
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,746
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18775537
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/A_Nobelmonster/pseuds/A_Nobelmonster
Summary: For WayWardWolf, As always thank you.“I know this sounds incredibly lame,but I don't want losing my virginityto feel like I'm losing something.I want it to feel like I'm finding something.I want sex to be amazing.I want it to be life-alteringly wonderful.And I want it to happen with someone I love.”― Sonya Sones, One of Those Hideous Books Where the Mother DiesOr the one where Theo loses his virginity, again. Willingly. Happily.





	Part 1: the rising

It is an honest to god fight every morning Theo wakes up. To choose to wake up. To choose to not fall back on what he knows. 

The dread doctors didn't exactly raise him to be upstanding citizen. 

It takes so much work to keep moving that Scott sometimes is the only thing propelling him. They say never to make someone your happiness. He knows it’s for a good reason. But it’s also for Scott that Theo leashes his demons. Its for scotts belief in the goodness of people that he shows up to college. 

Five dollars to his name, walking around in jeans from the youth ranch to his work study in the cafeteria. 

It’s where he starts making his home. Though that’s a lie. Because once again, Theo doesn't know how not to make his home in anything but other people. 

After the Dread Doctors, it was Scott in the middle of the night in the center of Lahiyak park that he tells Theo,

“Go to college. Find a new dream.” and it’s so Disney, it’s so Scott and good that he doesn't say yes then but he already knows he will. 

And he does. 

Be still his foolish heart. 

Scott is just so damn honestly happy when Theo gets accepted to Beacon Hills local college and that’s how one day turns into one year of studying and working before he knows what’s happening.   
\----------------------------

He spends 205 evenings crashing on Scott’s couch. Ignoring curious glances from Stiles while he types on the old laptop that neither of the other men will admit is theirs (and there for do not object to Theo using it when he has a anthropology paper due). Or is too tired to use the free computers at the campus library. 

Stiles doesn't always trust Scott’s judgment, but in the end, he does always trust Scott. Scott says Theo is welcome, 

And Stiles? He watches the fall out. 

And Theo watches Stiles also wanting to ask Scott why.   
\-------  
Then he’s sitting in Scott and Stiles’ apartment on a Thursday at midnight when he knows his crush is serious. It’s somewhere between being willing to die for the Alpha werewolf and wanting to live for him.

Scott comes in from a late night with Deaton presumably, trailing his backpack that finds a home near the foyer and his hoodie that ends up by the island table. 

Familiar. 

It’s a routine much more familiar to him than any memories he has of his family. Which are a handful of dusty photographs at this point. Theo finished his biology quiz hours beforehand just so he could revel in the quiet routine of Scott pulling out two mugs for cocoa. Microwaving the water and all but dragging himself to where Theo has been zoning out with the borrowed computer open to a page on medical chimeras. 

They, whoever they is, also say that you should not poke a bruise if you want it to heal. He’s not trying to be deep but sometimes it’s good to confirm that chimera’s are a thing that exist and not by perverse means. 

“Drink your cocoa.” and he notices it’s Stiles mug. There are other cups, a whole cupboard full. What does it mean when the person you like does that? And not just this time but any time that Stiles has been away. 

“You drink your cocoa.” there is no bite to theo's retort. Like Scott knows what he’s doing is working.

Bastard. 

Scotts fatigue thaws away and he laughs as if he’s not seconds from falling asleep on his feet. 

That’s another thing Theo likes about Scott. You know you matter to him when you do. He never hides his affection with cool disinterest or facades. 

“You know, your much more cute when your not arguing.” what.

The dying laptop had brought him to the corner of the apartment where the charging cable laid beside the entertainment center. 

Theo’s heart and Scotts hearing are not going to allow for this to go well. This is Scott. His crush who may not even like him seriously. Who might just be charming. 

And devastating. 

“Woah, Theo are you ok?” Scott looks at the laptop and the floor and Theo and puts on the face he does when approaching something scared. “It doesn't have to mean anything. Like, we can just be friends. Normal friends.” 

“Honestly.”

“I didn't mean to make you uncomfortable.” 

“Scott!stop…...Just hold on.” He can be composed and suave. The kitchen clock say’s it’s 1:15 am with it’s bright green numbers.   
He grabs the key’s to Scotts Honda. 

“Can we take a drive?” Even though Scott has just gotten home, he exits the apartment and quietly trails down the down steps to the car park letting Theo get in the drivers seat. 

If they had a routine. A thing that was theirs, night drives would be it. Theo starts the car and his questions don’t stop.

“I thought if you liked a guy it would be Stiles.” 

Scott puts on the radio, shaking his head , “Oh, no. Stiles is great but he’s my brother. He like someone else anyways.”

The nervous un-nurtured teenager in his belly blurts out, “And how do you like me?”

Scott has three ex-girlfriends of experience to Theo’s one trauma. So excuse him if he sounds fucking stupid but he doesn't know what he’s doing and he hates that it matters. 

“Theo.” He looks at Theo when he says his name, he says ‘Theo’ slowly. “I’m a nice guy right? That’s what your thinking?” 

“I’d like to think I’m a nice guy yeah but I don’t just let anyone crash in my apartment or use my laptop whenever or make the hot chocolate after my second night shift in a row.” 

He grips the steering wheel and focuses on turning past the right aid on the corner of Black Creek road. 

“Liar, you do that for pack.” 

The other man groans in frustration, its true. “Ok, fair enough but I do those things for you because I like you. I want you to smell like me, like my apartment. I want to take care of you. Do you, Do you want me to want that?”

Of course Theo wants to be wanted. He might have more emotional baggage than anyone in Beacon hills but he’s alive and breathing and-

“Yeah, I do ok.” There should be a question mark at the end of his statement, he sounds so angry that it’s eaten up. He’s not angry though, it's adrenaline. He’s parked the car and aggressively leaning in to make his intentions translucent. 

“Ok.” Scott grabs Theo’s hand in a tender kiss of curling fingers and flushed palms. They don’t kiss.

They don’t kiss and They don’t fuck in the back seat. 

Yet, Theo’s breathing is so hard the glass fogs for most of the drive back to Scott’s apartment. Scott washes the abandoned cups and Theo dries them.  
“Tomorrow, when I’m not this exhausted I’m going to ask you if I can kiss you. And no matter what you say i’m still going to like you.” 

He can’t think of a reply then, not until he’s laying on the couch. 

Tomorrow, if Scott remembers to ask me, I’ll kiss him and I won’t be afraid.

Not of what follows kissing or any expectations Scott will have once they kiss. 

If it leaves a bruise it will still be worth it. 

\---------------------------------------------

Game night is not Theo’s tradition but he doesn't mind borrowing it. 

“We didn't really start doing it until my dad came back. I’m a little old for a family night but my mom likes it and it’s not too bad. Just being normal once a week.” No, Theo’s discovered a little normal is addictive. 

He doesn't have to be the most clever or the most cunning with normal. With something like game night. He couldn't even be that way if he wanted to because he is so new to the game of clue he sucks. A lot. 

Scott loves it. Theo looks so calmly focused trying to win that the pure triumph on his face is-

It’s amazing. It’s so childlike and honest and surprised. 

“I think it was colonel mustard, in the observatory with the candlestick.” 

Rafael sternly looks at the card following Theo’s assumption “You win!.” Melissa was late getting off her shift which meant Rafael was rushing back and forth between his turns to check on dinner. He gets marinara on the envelope but smiles at Theo’s dumbfounded expression while Melissa pats him on the shoulder.

“I thought you said you never played before Theo?” She’s not mad, there is no accusation in her tone.   
and he doesn't even flinch. 

“Uh, no, first time luck I guess.” She laughs again and gets up to help Rafael telling Theo he’s going to need all the luck he can get. Next game is Uno and she’s a pro. 

Scott side eye’s him, “She’s a liar that’s totally my game.” 

He wants to kiss Scott. He wants Scott to kiss him. Theo wants them to have been kissing minutes ago and years ago when he meets Scotts gaze.   
Theo feels bubbly and light. He looks towards the kitchen to make sure no one is coming and leans across the table. 

“Can I kiss you?”Scott asks like Theo wasn't the one with the table digging into his hips, hands grasping the table runner to put his face against Scotts. 

He hates that the kiss is so innocent, because he’s not and it hurts his stomach that its coming across like that but he doesn't hate that he’s kissing Scott. 

The werewolf places his hand over the one Theo has clasped to him so even when Scott's parents come back with lasagna and salad the touch continues until Theo is back in his seat. 

He’s so warm, its like Scotts kiss extended beyond his mouth into each point of contact and word. 

How does someone like this exist? 

\--------------

And then Theo does what he always does. What he thought he would do much much earlier and tries to ruin everything. 

The real question he realizes is not how does someone like Scott exist, Its how does something like Theo come to be?

He blames the nightmares.

victim. 

He blames being such an easy target.

Villain. 

Most of all he blames himself, he is leading Scott to a dead end. 

Wretch.


End file.
